Weddings are made in heaven but are performed on this planet. Every wedding is subjected to numerous realities. The occasion is just for a few days but the marriage is to last a lifetime. Whether it is going to be a love marriage or an arranged one is a choice that we should make. However, there are certain parameters that you must discuss with your partner before you tie the knot.
- Partner Expectations
Most of the issues that crop up in a marriage are due to the lack of communication with regard to our individual expectations. We expect without letting the other person know of what our expectations are and this can be the source of misunderstandings and fights. Discuss with your partner as to what your day to day expectations are, it could be the distribution of household chores or family responsibilities or even distribution of outside work. You can discuss when you want to have your children, where are you going to live after the wedding, what do the in-laws expect. Discussing things can give you a deeper insight into what kind of person your partner is and this will surely make things easier for you.
- Health History
Being informed about the health history of your spouse and their immediate family members is very important. There are many illnesses that are usually passed down to generations. While many of these ailments could be harmless, some of them can surely be serious. Find out from your partner about the health issues that run in the family. Keep into consideration every immediate member and understand their health history. In case your spouse mentions anything, ask a doctor about that particular condition and if there are any consequences that children you will bear will face. This step might seem a little harsh, but it is important that you are aware and then make your decision.
The finances of your spouse and their family are very vital for you to know. For instance, what if your spouse and his/her family have taken on a large amount of debt. They might expect you to pay the instalments after the wedding. Such expectations have to be discussed beforehand. Furthermore, you should also discuss how much you usually spend on a monthly basis and share with each other what your respective savings are. This kind of clarity will keep you both in the loop and you both will be aware of each others’ finances thoroughly.
- Traumas/Triggers/ Insecurities
We all are individualistic beings. Our lives are subjected to so many realities. There is a past that we all have and it is important that we share everything about ourselves including any traumas that we have faced, any triggers that we have or any insecurities or other issues that we have developed. Remember the person you’re talking to is your potential partner, you should be able to share everything about yourself openly. This will establish great trust and will help your partner be sensitive towards your feelings and vice-e-versa.
- Potential Career Goals
It is very likely that both you and your partner have your individual career goals. In a marriage, there are so many situations we have to tackle when it comes to our careers. For example, what if one of you gets a transfer to another city? How are things going to be managed? Situations like these can be discussed beforehand and you could discuss some tentative solutions. After all, marriage is all about working things out. You will be able to analyze how understanding you and your partner are when it comes to your career.
- Family Values
Family Values are of utmost importance. You have got to understand the kind of family backgrounds and values you both share. This mostly depends on how you both were raised by your respective families. Understand your spouse’s parents, see how you get along. Talk to each other about your childhood experiences. You might find a lot in common. If you both share the same family values then nothing like that. However, if you realize that both of you are from varying family backgrounds then you might want to reconsider.
These are 6 vital parameters that you can discuss with your partner before you get married. Communication is the key to a successful wedding. By expressing your smallest of desires and sharing your experiences and background you make things a lot easier for you and your partner and leave very little room for misunderstandings.