Marriage is a beautiful relationship where two individuals, from two different backgrounds, come together and share their life with each other. These two individuals have different upbringing, different choices and different perspectives about life. Due to these differences, it is common to have disagreements and arguments in marriage. However, no matter how bad the argument becomes, there are certain sentences you should never say to your spouse. Saying these things will deeply hurt your spouse and deteriorate the quality of your marriage.
Communication can make or break a marriage. It is one of the important factors that determine the quality of a marriage.
Here is the list of 12 sentences you should never say to your spouse, even though they are true from your perspective.
1. If you really loved me, you would….: This statement is an emotional blackmail and should not be used in a marriage. Love should be free of conditions, and love should not be used to get something done. Also, the partner should not be forced to prove his/her love. Your love should not bind your spouse to do something. Instead of this statement, you can say something like – “Is it possible for you to do this? “
2. You can’t do anything right: This statement badly affects the self-esteem of your spouse. This makes your spouse feel incapable and inefficient and also discourages your spouse from doing things to support you. Instead of using such a generalized statement, you can say – “How can we do this task better next time?”
3. You always or never do this: In irritation, words like ‘never’ and ‘always’ come out to express feelings, but be mindful of using these two words ‘always’ and ‘never.’ These words increase the intensity of your emotions and bring you self-pity. These words also make your spouse go into defensive mode, and she might think you don’t take notice of any good thing he or she does. With these two words, a small argument turns into a big fight. Avoid using these 2 words – always and never.
4. You are just like your mother (or father) – Problem with this sentence is it hurts your spouse and also puts down the parents of your spouse. So, it becomes all the more hurtful. No one likes their parents to be put down. So, when you are upset with your spouse, tell your spouse why you are hurt instead of bringing the parents of your spouse into the discussion.
5. If you really cared about me, you would know what I want – It is a great myth that in love, your partner can understand your needs without being told. No one can understand another person’s needs and feelings unless they are expressed. So, don’t assume that your spouse will know everything you need without you telling. When you want something to be done, instead of expecting your spouse to know it and do it, you can openly communicate – “Is it possible for you to do this? “
6. You changed – In life, no one can stay the same forever. We all change over a period of time. That’s how life is supposed to be. So, saying these words to your spouse is unfair. These words only bring guilt and hurt to your spouse. Instead of saying these words, tell your spouse what it is that you want.
7. I hate your friends – You may not like your spouse’s friends, but every person has their own friends and choices. It is best not to comment about your spouse’s friends as long as they are not causing any harm or danger.
8. Why can’t you be like….? No one likes to be compared with others. And in a marriage, it’s a strict no to compare your spouse with others. Every person is unique. When you are unhappy about something related to your spouse, say it to your spouse directly without comparing your spouse to others. A comparison hurts the self-esteem of a person and brings resentment.
9. You are overreacting – This statement invalidates the feelings of your spouse. When your spouse is upset with you and is trying to express the feelings, don’t say anything like ‘you are overreacting’ or ‘don’t make a big deal out of it.’ Listen to your spouse patiently and try to understand the viewpoint. Your patient listening, without defending or pointing, will do wonders to the emotional state of your spouse and helps the spouse to calm down.
10. I hate your family – No one likes their family members to be disrespected or hated by others. So, understand that this is a harsh statement towards your spouse, and this statement can generate a lot of friction in relationships. If something is bothering you about your spouse’s family members, discuss it openly but without saying these words.
11. I need a divorce if you do this- This statement brings uncertainty and insecurity in a marriage. Yes, sometimes things really go bad but avoid using the word ‘divorce.’ Instead of it, you can say – “Can we agree to do this? or how do we solve this problem?”
12. I can’t trust you- Trust is very important in marriage, and no one likes to be told that they are not trustworthy. So, be careful not to use these words in your conversation.
These are the twelve sentences you should never tell your spouse in a relationship.
Our words are used to communicate our thoughts and emotions to the other person. When the right words are used, marriages tend to become better, and wrong words lead to bitter fights. So, be mindful of your choice of words – especially when you are angry or hurt.
When you are going through intense negative emotions, first let the emotions cool down. Maybe you can try deep breathing or meditation and calm down your emotions. Once your emotions are calmed down, then talk to your spouse about what is bothering you. This approach will help you communicate peacefully and resolve the issue.